Week 9: 12/25/2011 - 12/31/2011

Your first Christmas Emily!!!!  Your gift to us was a sleepless night.  I remember you got up a lot and it took us a long time to put you back down each time.  We were so tired when we woke up on Christmas Day.  But, you were celebrating your first Christmas and this was our first Christmas as a family.  We saved all of our gifts and we could open them and of course, you were your happy self, sitting in your not-so-favorite bouncy seat.

You got a lot of clothes, but mostly, we were just so grateful to being a family together.  We weren't planning on seeing anyone that day, but we decided to take you out for a walk and we stopped by Irvine Grandma's house.  We gave her her Christmas gift and your Christmas card to her.  I remember that day being pretty sunny and cool, but overall, a gorgeous day.  I also remember thinking how you could be so happy when you were just as sleep deprived as we were!

We started taking you out more because you were older and we knew that your immune system was stronger.  So, we took you to Irvine Spectrum, we walked around the neighborhood with you a lot more, and on New Year's Eve, we took you out for breakfast.  We went to one of our favorite places in Irvine called Layer Cake.  I remember this quite vividly because you fell asleep when we got there and it was still quite early.  Mommy and I got our breakfast and while we were eating, this older couple came in to the bakery.  Within 10 minutes, the woman sneezed about 5-6 times and woke you up.  I was so upset!!!  I was thinking, "Why, of all the places to sit, did you have to sit near us???"  Well, this is how you looked after you woke up.

Yes Emily, I was feeling the same way.  Needless to say, mommy and I didn't stay up too late that night to ring in the new year.  We had a birthday get together to go to (LA Grandma's birthday) and we were just exhausted.  We stayed up to watch some of the New Year Eve celebration on TV and in Times Square, but we turned in soon after.  

This was the start of your 3rd month with us.  And we love you so much Emily.  We continue to thank God that he provided a miracle for us!

Week 8: 12/18/2011 - 12/24/2011

You are really growing baby!  And after this week, you are 2 months old.  It really seemed like time is flying by.  This is the week before Christmas and so far, you have been a cat napper.  30 minutes each nap.  So you are going down for a lot of naps.  It got to a point where we decided we needed outside help.  So we got you your swing.  It was a Fisher Price My Little Lamb swing and we had it out in the our living room.  After I put it together, we put you in the swing for one of your naps.  And it worked!  We were so grateful.  But then, mommy and daddy started to feel guilty about putting you in the swing all the time and we thought that motion sleeping is "junk" sleep (thanks or no thanks to Dr. Weissbluth of Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child).  So, we put you in the swing when rocking you didn't work.  But it worked!  You fell asleep with the swing.

Mommy's brother and his family came to visit you as well this week.  They came by and gave us our Christmas gift (a set of Pyrex glassware) and your Christmas gifts (clothes and more clothes!!!).

We weren't sure what we were going to do for Christmas, so we didn't make any plans with anyone.  We thought that because of the eating and sleeping, it would be too difficult to make plans, so we decided to wing it.  Well, we would get a really "good" Christmas gift from you (see next post).  I (daddy) had already gone back to work for about a month and it had been kind of hard.  Missing you and mommy during the day, but also really tired as I tried to focus on what needed to be done at work.  We felt blessed that God continued to provide a job and a very, very nice and understanding boss.  During this time, mommy had been on her own to take care of you during the day and she was doing such a great job with you (but she was tired, so tired...)

You were able to wear a lot of your holiday outfits!  And we just were so amazed at how fast you were growing....

Week 7: 12/11/11-12/17/11

We were debating on whether or not to celebrate your One Month Birthday with the family.  Part of that was just that you had been spitting up, not sleeping well, and overall, we were just super stressed about your well-being.  However, in the end, we decided to have your One Month Birthday celebration.  It's a very traditional Chinese/Vietnamese celebration for babies and while I don't know any of the specifics, it is a big celebration where you get lots of gifts.  You've been very blessed so far because so many friends and family have given you so much.  Lucky money and clothes are most popular.  For your celebration, we got you a strawberry cake from Layer Cake [one of our favorites!] and Chinese food from Capital Seafood.  We were a little worried because we weren't sure how the day would go with how you hadn't been sleeping.  I know I was a little anxious and stressed.  Irvine Grandma helped me to pick up all the food and by the time everyone came and we started to eat, you were eating yourself.  Everyone had a great time and we were all able to enjoy you.  Even though the One Month celebration didn't actually land on your 1 month birthday, it was important that we celebrated you.

After your celebration on Saturday, we decided we really needed to take you in to see the doctor.  Your spit up wasn't getting better and one of the things that doctor said it might be was "pyloric stenosis", which is a thickening of a muscle that wouldn't allow the milk to get to your stomach/intestines, causing spit up/vomiting.  We went on a Monday and the doctor who saw you also didn't think it was pyloric stenosis.  She thought it might be because we were trying to give you the bottle, and how you were just swallowing a lot of air.  We had some time to kill before the ultrasound, so we went to the mall to have some breakfast.  The ultrasound was done at Irvine Hoag and during the procedure, they needed you to eat.  Which meant....taking the bottle.  Well, you didn't like it and you were crying quite a bit.  And we had to bring you hungry as well, so you were really starving.  By the time the nurse told mommy to feed you, you had swallowed so much air that you also vomited in the lab.  Yikes!  We went home after they felt they got enough pictures and waited for the doctor to call.  Good news!  You don't have pyloric stenosis, which would have bee the worse case scenario.  So, we thought we would just let off on the bottle and see how the rest of the week went.  Sure enough, after we stop introducing the bottle to you, your spit up went down to almost nothing.  So, lesson learned.  We cannot force you to take the bottle.  But, that doesn't mean we have given up on trying to give it to you.

The rest of the week was us trying to figure out how to get you more sleep.  We bought a swing from Babies R Us and thankfully, you've taken to it and have been able to sleep in it.  We didn't want to use it to put you to sleep, but we haven't had much choice this week.  You needed to sleep, and truthfully, so did we.  And we needed a way to not stress about putting you to sleep.  We are still trying to find your internal rhythm of when you need to go down for a nap.  It won't be until week 8 that I think mommy figured it out.  

There were a couple of "firsts" this week.  We had bought this rocker sleeper that you don't mind lying in, but you were never able to sleep in.  Well, you finally did sleep in it, although you had to be already asleep.  Nonetheless, we find these little steps towards sleeping as a positive.

There was this one night I was so wanting you to go to sleep that I put you back in the car seat and walked around the house until you got drowsy.  That took about 20 minutes!  And with the weight of you and the car seat, I was feeling tired!  But you did fall asleep, even though it was only for 20 minutes!

This week ended with mommy and daddy pretty stressed about getting you sleep.  So...we finally started to use the swing more during the day to put you down.  Sometimes you would fight it and it would take 15-20 minutes before you finally fell asleep.  We didn't feel good about using the swing to put you down, but at some point, it was getting tough.  I called it the "vicious cycle".  You would first get fed, then we would burp you.  After that and some downtime, we would soothe you to sleep.  At night, this took so long that it would be time for your next feeding and we would have to do it all over again.  The swing would put you asleep in half the time, sometimes even shorter than what we could do.  Sorry Emily, we never wanted to put you to sleep with the swing, but you needed the sleep!

Mommy and daddy had many talks about not being so stressed with you, but it's hard.  If it's not one thing, it's another.  For a while, it was not gaining weight.  Then it's the lack of sleep.  Sometimes, it's too much feeding.  Then you're sleeping too much.  This parenthood thing is tough!  But we're doing the best we can, because we love you so much!

Week 6: 12/4/11-12/10/11

This week saw a lot of changes in your personality Emily!  As you can see in the picture above, you not only started to smile while you're awake [as opposed to dream smiling], but you're smiling more!  It's been great to see that happy side of you and to see that you are starting to be really enjoy our company!  At least that's what I'm telling myself.

We had a big appointment this week for you.  You had your 6 week check up.  The days leading up to this week however, had been troubling for mommy and me.  You had been spitting up/vomiting for about 3-4 days prior to your 6 week appointment.  And it wasn't a little bit of spit up, but a lot each time.  We were worried that something was going on and we knew we had to ask the doctor.  The doctor didn't think you had anything severe and thought that it was due to gas and mommy's diet.  Mommy already gave up on milk and broccoli, but she was ready to give up more if need be.

While we were at your appointment, you were the perfect baby.  You nursed well and you were even smiling.  The doctor said that you seemed to be nursing well and that you were doing well.  At the weigh in, you were a heft 10 pounds!  You had gained 4 pounds in almost 6 weeks!  We felt relieved that you had gained so much weight.  We knew that you were getting bigger because daddy's back was starting to get sore rocking you to sleep.  At the end of the appointment, we were told you were going to get 3 shots and 1 oral vaccination.  The nurse came in and BAM!  BAM!  BAM!  At least she gave you the oral vaccination first.  She jetted out of the office as you cried your little eyes out.  At least you got 2 Snoopy band-aides.

We knew you would probably be "off" the rest of the day.  The doctor said that you might sleep more that day due to the shots, but guess what?  You didn't!  

This week also brought a number of appointments for mommy.  She had her own 6 week check up.  The OB who looked after you while you were in mommy's tummy responded to our comments about how you don't sleep much during the day with, "I'd rather have a child who partied all day and slept all night!"  You were on your best behavior that day and didn't cry too much.  I had you in the Baby Bjorn, so that helped.  After the appointment, we brought you upstairs to meet the nurse who took care of mommy during her twice a week non-stress test.  Nurse Charlotte was happy to see us and she was thrilled to finally meet you.  You were a big hit with the nurses in that office.

More adventures to come during week 7!  But you're growing and so far, you are a happy, healthy baby.  If you would only nap for more than 5-10 minutes at a time!

Week 5: 11/27/2011-12/03/11

Emily, you are growing bigger and you definitely have a sense of your own personality now.  Ever since we realized just how much gas you had, we decided to call the doctor after Doomsday Tuesday and she said to get some gas drops for you. Once we started to give you that, you definitely seemed to be much happier, although your sleeping was still all over the place.  Sometimes you could nap for a while [> 1 hour], sometimes you could only sleep for 5-10 minutes.  We didn't even have time [or maybe the energy] to take more pictures of you for the next couple of days after Doomsday Tuesday, which was followed by What the Hell Wednesday.  Your Auntie Tuyet came over just to give mommy a break.

This week, we decided to take you out for your first big outing.  We went to South Coast Plaza!!!  Mommy was a little apprehensive about feeding you in public, and I can see why.  We didn't have a plan of how we would cover you, but we decided to get out of the house and just go out.  We brought along our favorite hat for you and your Uncle Sherman said you look like one of the Village People [you'll know what he means one day]!  But as soon as we put you in your carseat, you cried and cried and cried.

You finally did wake up to eat and you ate right in front of Tiffany's!  Hopefull that won't be things to come. :)  You actually slept some more that afternoon, but clearly, you were not the sleep friendly baby anymore.  We didn't know it at the time, but you were overtired and wired.

As I've fully gone back full time to work, I'll have to admit that 70% of my mind as at work and the other 30% was clearly wondering how things were going at home.  Because of Doomsday Tuesday, I think that shook our confidence in making sure that you were doing well and that you were getting enough sleep. I knew that this was starting to be the start of your fussy period, but it was during this week that between the hours of 5PM-9PM, you just couldn't focus on eating.  You seem to be distracted and you didn't want to go to bed.  A lot of soothing and rocking, feeding and gentle strokes seem to be the best remedies, but that took a while.  I remember having a conversation with mommy that we needed to change out approach because as soon as I came home around 5:30PM until you fell asleep [between 8:30PM-9:00PM], we didn't eat.  We started our dinner at 8:30PM or 9:00PM most nights and by the time we went to bed, you had already slept for 2 hours, likely to wake in another hour.  It wasn't another week before we decided just to let you be fussy while we put you on the rocker sleeper.

This week, we also tried to introduce the bottle, to no avail.  You hated the bottle with a passion and you would often cry so hard that you would make this kind of limp cry at the end.  You also didn't like the pacifier, so we couldn't introduce another way to soothe you.  In some ways, I told mommy that maybe in retrospect, we should have introduced the bottle/pacifier sooner to you, but at the time, we didn't want you to be confused on what was what.

What will week 6 bring?

Week 4: 11/20/11-11/26/11

Emily, you are now 4 weeks old!  The picture above was taken by me [daddy] after we gave you a bath.  You are waiting to get your hair washed but you were started to fall asleep so I propped your head up a little.  This week was my last week at home, and it was also Thanksgiving week.

We had noticed for a while now that you had a thick white coat on the back of your tongue and even though from what we read and what the doctor had told us, it was just milk residue, we wanted to make sure.  So, we made an appointment to see the doctor on 11/22/11 to see if it was thrush.  Well, wouldn't you know it, you were just a happy baby and it wasn't thrush.  The nurse weighed you and you were over 8 pounds!  That meant that we could starting putting you in the Baby Bjorn!

Mommy had some trouble carrying you in the Baby Bjorn because your head kept falling forward towards mommy's chest.  I think mommy was getting stressed as well because you weren't that comfortable in the Baby Bjorn.

We weren't sure what we were going to do for Thanksgiving since your sleeping and eating patterns were quite unpredictable.  However, we decided to go to Uncle Sherman and Auntie Jan's house for Thanksgiving with both grandmas.  Your LA grandma came down to stay with us for 1 night and she got a chance to see you and hang out with you.

While you don't look like you're happy in this picture, it was because you didn't like to be sat up like that!  While LA Grandma was here, I baked another batch of cookies since they were such a hit the week before with your cousins Peter and John.  The Thanksgiving dinner was good, even though you slept through all of it.  You still hadn't taken to the car seat and we tried to put you in the Pac 'N Play, but I just had you in the Baby Bjorn the whole meal while you slept.  You had more visitors this week.  Great Uncle Dick and Great Auntie Maggie came down from LA to visit you the Friday after Thanksgiving.

This was the first time that we realize how much gas you had!  It was Great Auntie Maggie who told us that you had a lot of gas by just holding you.  The arching of your back and your stretching was mainly because you probably weren't that comfortable with the amount of gas in your intestines.  Still, you were quite a happy baby while they visited and you fell asleep in Great Auntie Maggie's arms.  She kept saying what a beautiful baby you are!

We decided you needed more clothes, since the ones you had were all short sleeve one-ies and you didn't have enough sleepers.  So we decided to go to Old Navy by our house to shop.  Little did we realize that the day after Thanksgiving, there would be swarms of shoppers!  Mommy and Daddy were so exhausted and tired, we didn't even know what day it was anymore!  Mommy got you quite a few outfits, the one that we love the most was the hat she got you.  You still don't like to have anything on your head and you didn't really like the hate.  But we thought you were so cute in it.  One of my favorite pictures [the one on the blog] was taken with you wearing it.  Here's another one to give you a different look.

Towards the end of your 4th week, I went back to work.  Here's a picture that says it all:  I wasn't happy to be leaving you and mommy and I knew that I would miss the both of you during the day a lot.

Little did we know that on 11/29/11, the end of your 4th week would be one of mommy's toughest days with you.  Up until now, you were a pretty good sleeper.  There were times when you had to be rocked back to sleep, but most of the time, you were content to eat and then fall asleep.  But on 11/29/11, everything that we knew changed.  You didn't sleep most of the day and you just wanted to eat.  Mommy was so exhausted that I even went home during lunch to see what was going on.  11/29/11 will be a day we would call "Doomsday Tuesday", because from that day on, your sleeping patterns changed dramatically.  If I remember correctly, from that day on, you had very few naps that lasted more than an hour.  And it would another season of worrying for us as we didn't know what happened.  The good thing was that mommy's friend Julie is a pediatrician and she told us that between weeks 4-6 would be your most fussy.  And boy, were you on cue.

Week 3: 11/13/11 - 11/19/11

I [daddy] took 4 weeks off of work to be with you and mommy after you were born.  This week was a reality check for me because 2 weeks have gone by and going back to work in another 2 weeks would be tough.  You're still sleeping and eating a lot, but we're seeing changes to your behavior now.  Your cries are louder now and your naps are getting a little shorter in length.

Mommy finally got to leave that house last week to just go out to the grocery store.  Your feedings are more "on demand" now that you have regained all of your birth weight. So, sometimes you can go a couple of hours between feedings, sometimes you can only go an hour.  This week, whenever mommy went out, it seemed, you were hungry and there was nothing daddy could do!  I tried to rock you back to sleep and one day, I even sang to you.  You seemed to be soothed and fell back asleep, but it wasn't long before you got back up and wanted food again.  Luckily mommy came to rescue just in time.

Your feedings took an interesting turn this week.  As mommy's milk was coming in, you were having problems with the flow of the milk so almost each time you started to feed, you started to choke because there was too much milk.  There was spit up afterwards and we were worried that we were doing something wrong.  So, we decided to make an appointment with the lactation consultant back at the Saddleback Hospital.  They told us to bring you hungry and that made me nervous.  It's tough to see you cry and the faces you make, so we were trying to adjust/compensate your nursing times to coincide with the appointment time.  When we got there, it was like you were right on cue.  When the consultants came out, you started to cry because you were hungry and you nursed really well.  The consultant saw that you choked and suggested that mommy can lean back and have gravity help her or express some milk before you feed so the initial flow isn't so much.  They also said that you would learn, in time, to adjust your feedings to take in to account the milk flow.  During that appointment, they weighed you again and you were 7 pounds 12 ounces!  Wow, you are really growing now.  You also took in 2 ounces of milk and at the end, you were satisfied and you went to sleep.  We were really relieved that you had gained so much weight because as parents, we are always worried that you're not taking in the milk you need or gaining the weight you did.  And we're also learning how to give things up to God, that He alone has all that you need to survive and grow.  We're still struggling with that and I think it's something we'll continue to struggle in for a long time.

After the appointment, we all decided to take you to the grocery store for the first time.  You made it through the trip and slept all the way back home.  Mommy asked me to take this picture below because it was the first time we had all gone out together with you in the stroller [yes, you're in there!].

We also got you a bouncer this week.  It's a Fisher-Price Rainforest Bouncer with vibration button built in.  You like it enough, but you don't like it enough to sleep in it [yet].  We're still holding out hope that you will like it enough to one day be able to sleep in it.

Week 2: 11/6/2011-11/12/2011

As we made our way out of the first week of having you at home, we turned the corner in accepting visitors.  Uncle Tim and Auntie Jess came to visit when they were down from Pasadena to fix their car.

They brought some food to mommy and daddy and you also got a cute card from their son, Zac.  It was great to see them and they got to meet you for the first time.

The way you've been sleeping so far has been in the co-sleeper in mommy and daddy's room.  We had to flip the way  we slept because there is a window by our bed that we wanted to make sure wasn't too drafty for you since it has been relatively cold at night.

We finally got a family picture with you this week!  We were excited to finally have the 3 of us in a photo that we can share.

It was also grandma's birthday this week [11/12] and even though we didn't get to go out to celebrate with them, they came to our house and we all took some pictures.  You were definitely the star of the group.

Your grandma came down from LA with your uncle Dung to also visit you.  They brought down a lot of food for us and everyone is just happy that you're finally here!

Your last visitor of the week was mommy's friend Lyndee.  She's the one who put together mommy's baby shower back in August.  Mommy has known Lyndee since elementary school.

You've been sleeping well this week, although that will change soon.  Your weight was a little low when we went to Dr. Galang's office last week, but this week, we decided to make an appointment for a weight check and you were 6 pounds 12 ounces!  In one week, you've gained all your weight back!  You've been making a lot of noises this week [grunting, clearing of the throat, burping and passing gas!].  Dr. Galang said that she doesn't need to see you until you're 6 weeks old, so we were relieved that you've been gaining weight.  We were using formula to supplement your nursing because we didn't know how much you were taking in, but you were definitely taking in more than we thought!  We've been keeping track of your feedings and soiled diapers and you were averaging about 10-11 feedings a day, 12-14 wet diapers, and 6-8 soiled diapers.  You're definitely getting more adjusted in the outside world!

Week Two: At Home

We've been a family for 2 weeks now and still can't believe that we are your parents. This is going to take some getting used to, especially in our sleep deprived state. We brought you home from the hospital when you were 2 days old and the first night was a rough one for mommy and daddy! It's been a bit better since then because we are getting used to the MOTN routine (wake-up, diaper change, feed, burp, get you swaddled and back in your co-sleeper). Life is a blur but an enjoyable one. We know people want to come by to visit and see you but we are keeping you to ourselves for the time being! The last thing we want is for you to get sick because of someone's germy hands :D

I am getting the hang of breastfeeding you but it's not easy. You are such an eager eater! You make grunting sounds and charge at the breast like a little gremlin. So cute!

At your 2 week weight check, we were so relieved to find out that you gained all your weight back and are doing fine. Besides breastfeeding, we were supplementing with formula because we wanted to make sure you would gain weight. Because we want to avoid "nipple confusion" that might interfere with breastfeeding, daddy and I used a feeding syringe instead of a bottle. We would only give you a little bit of formula and switched to pumped breast milk as soon as we could. After getting the all-clear from the doctor this week, we stopped supplementing.

Week 1: 10/30/2011-11/5/2011

Emily Elizabeth-My Chen, you were born on October 30, 2011 at 8:25PM at Saddleback Memorial Hospital in Laguna Hills, CA.  You weighed 6 pounds and 9 ounces and was 20.5" in length.

A lot happened the day you were born.  We went to the hospital thinking we would be sent home, but little did we know at 9AM that in less than 12 hours, you would be here.  Your arrival was certainly a life changing event for me.  To see mommy hooked up to different monitors, IVs, and epidural, was quite a sight.  She courageously pushed for almost 3 hours for you to come.  We had a great team of nurses and our delivery doctor [Dr. Han] was also great.  Although at one point while waiting for another contraction to come so mommy can push, Dr. Han and the delivery nurses were talking about the new pumpkin spice coffee at Starbucks and discussing whether or not it was too sweet or not sweet enough.  Maybe not the best time to bring it up, but certainly a memorable moment.

Your families were there, all of mommy and daddy's siblings and their wives/husband and children, to your grandmothers.  It was a special time for them, especially your grandma's.  They patiently waited all afternoon until you came out.

Dr. Han, after delivering you, said she was going to cut the cord and they would bring you directly to the baby warmer station.  This was the scariest part of the delivery for me.  You finally came out and was limp and didn't seem to be breathing.  Mommy and I waited what seemed like 10-15 minutes, but if I were to guess, was probably more like 15-20 seconds.  The neonatal team was summoned and more nurses rushed through the door.  But then I saw your leg kick and a few seconds later, I heard the wonderful sound of your cry.  The nurse asked me to go to her as she was under the warmer.  I was able to trim the umbilical cord and watched as they gave you the vitamin K shot, the anti-bacterial cream over your eyes, and a blood sample from your foot.  Once the team felt you were doing well, we were able to get your footprints in your baby book and the paperwork from the hospital.

After everyone was done with you, you nursed with mommy for about 20 minutes.  After that, we invited your extended families to come in and finally meet you.  We took a lot of pictures and we got to just spend some time with you before we went down to the 1st floor to post labor recovery.

When you're old enough to read this, you really should thank you mommy for all that she did while she was carrying you, going into labor, and pushing for nearly 3 hours to have you come to this world.  And to thank God for protecting your health and your overall little self while we waited over 9 months to meet you.

The first night was difficult for us.  Mommy was extremely tired after going through so much and we just had no idea how to take care of you.  We were not sure if mommy's milk was coming in and if you were getting enough to eat.  But the nurses there were really helpful and they helped us by putting you in the nursery so we could get a few hours of rest.

While mommy recovered, everyone came to visit again.  We also had a couple of mommy's close friends [Aunty Kristy and Aunty Sandra] come all the way from LA to see you!

You got balloons, more clothes, and mommy got flowers!

After we came home, the following day, we took you to see Dr. Galang at Irvine Pediatrics.  You also had your first shot.  You had the Hep B vaccination and you were just "off" the rest of the day.

You lost 9 ounces since birth and even though it's normal for newborns to lose weight, we were worried, so that week, we supplemented mommy's milk with some formula.  We wanted to make sure you were gaining the weight you needed!  Many, many diaper changes, our families brought us a lot of food to keep us going as we took care of you.  You slept in our room and you were nursing every 2 hours.  Mommy did everything!  I changed the diapers and I tried to burp you, sometimes you were generous with your burps, and sometimes you were kind of stingy.  We took a lot of pictures of you in different awake and sleeping poses.  You were not a cryer.  You only cried when you were really hungry and you weren't that fussy.  Oh how that will change in the coming weeks!

Welcome Emily!  You were truly God's gift to us.  We prayed for you every day in our journey to have a bigger family and God gave us the most beautiful, precious, and cutest baby ever.  Mommy and I cannot tell you how many people told us how pretty you are!

Week One: In the Beginning

Hello baby! Even though you are no longer a baby, you will always be “my sweet baby!”  You came into the world this week and our lives were changed forever.  I cannot believe how fast my pregnancy went. It felt like it was moving so slowly as I counted the days, weeks and months as they went by but at the same time, everything seemed to go by quickly.  Does that make sense? 

I couldn’t wait to reach certain milestones in the pregnancy.  The end of the first trimester meant the risk of miscarriage was significantly reduced. The 22^nd week meant that if I had to deliver you prematurely for some reason, you had a very good chance of surviving with intensive medical care. The end of 36 weeks meant that you were ready to be born and could be considered full term.  I felt as if I held my breath the entire pregnancy and allowed myself to breathe a little more freely as we reached each milestone.

Yes, Emily, your mom tends to be a worrier.  It’s one of the traits that I hope you don’t inherit from me.  Life is challenging enough without worrying about everything.   I give you permission, sweetie, to not worry!

One of the best parts of the story of how we conceived you (I’m sure you’ve heard daddy tell that story by now) is how God gave me permission not to worry.  It was such an incredible invitation to let go and relax through trust in our Heavenly Father.  I was seeing Sandy Ditewig, a Spiritual Director, at the time and she was helping me as your daddy and I struggled with the possibility of never being able to have a biological child. 

At one of our last sessions, she asked me what I thought God was saying to me. This was approximately one year into our journey of dealing with a diagnosis of infertility. We had gone through 2 IVF cycles by that time and were heartbroken and discouraged.

I closed my eyes and leaned in to listen with my heart.   It’s still hard for me to put what God said/did into words but I’ll do my best to explain.  I sensed He was telling me that His goodness far exceeded my need to worry and fret.  He was reassuring me that His goodness was far greater than my problem and that He did not require that I worry about it in order to push Him to act on my behalf.  God could and would act on my behalf freely.  I felt He was giving me permission to stop worrying.  I was not being more spiritual or faithful by fretting, even in prayer.  It was the most liberating moment for me.  It was hard for me, an avid worrier, to digest the fact that God seemed to be telling me He would take care of my problem and that I could let go. Of course, I didn’t explicitly hear God promise that I would get pregnant with you in half a year’s time, but I sensed something good.

That was in August 2010. By the end of February 2011, we had 4 positive home pregnancy tests that changed our story forever.  You were on your merry little way!